Parents everywhere are weary of the endless battles with smartphones and social media.
Some are so weary they’ve turned to a new strategy: paying their kids to stay off social media. The Wall Street Journal reported on how cash, cars, and e-bikes are being used as incentives to persuade kids to stay off social media until they are 16 or 18 years old.
On the surface, this sounds clever. However, from a biblical perspective, this approach trades the hard, formative work of discipleship for a transaction.
The Appeal of Paying
Social media is addictive. Parents are reading the stories about kids who’ve taken their own lives because of bullying, sextortion, or died because they had easy access to drug dealers. They see the headlines and research linking social media to rising mental health issues and loneliness.
And so, they make a deal with their kids. In the short term, it works. Kids like the promise of a financial reward, and the parents feel like they’ve at least postponed the inevitable.
The problem is: this isn’t discipleship. This is more like employee management.
Managing through bribery robs a child of the long-term benefit of intrinsic motivation and character development.
Biblical Parenting
Scripture describes parenting as discipleship, the life-on-life modeling, teaching, and training of another in the love of God and obedience to His commands.
“These commands that I give you today are to be on your heart. Impress them upon your children…” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
The commands given to God’s people were to love the Lord God with all their heart, soul, and strength, and to obey God’s ordinances and statutes. Among these was the fourth commandment of the Decalogue to honor your father and mother. Obedience wasn’t negotiable or transactional – it was taught through relational discipleship.
“Train up a child in the way he should go…” (Proverbs 22:6 )
Training involves loving authority, modeling, and discipline. Training a child to expect payment for obedience sets them up for disaster, both spiritually and societally. They must be trained to obey, shown how to do so, and disciplined when they do not.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 lists self-control as a fruit produced through the Holy Spirit’s work in the life of a believer. A child’s self-control is not cultivated by bribery. Boundaries must exist in which children are faced with a “no,” and they exert self-control to obey.
“The love of money is the root of all kinds of evils” (1 Timothy 6:10)
Tying godly virtue to financial gain jeopardizes true and faithful worship in the heart of a child. They learn to value money above obedience and more than wisdom.
The Deeper Issue
The Wall Street Journal article highlights an important parental weakness: they are afraid of saying “no”.
Even if parents purchased the phone and continue to pay for its service, they struggle to hold the line regarding how their kids use it. They assume their child will inevitably rebel and/or be harmed by social media, so they look for loopholes (such as cash or cars) that will buy time.
The problem here isn’t social media or even smartphones. The problem is a lack of courage and biblical discipleship.
Biblical parenting requires the bravery to say “no.” Paying kids may avoid conflict, but it is an abdication of the biblical command for parents to train their children and impress upon them the ways of the Lord.
When children and teens understand their identity in Christ, they no longer crave validation and satisfaction online. When they trust the wisdom and authority of their parents and the Word of God, they are less likely to rebel, sneak social media accounts, or hack through parental restrictions.
Discipleship teaches a child to obey because it is wise and glorifying to God. Bribery teaches them to obey because it pays.
It’s Never Too Late
Every parent has fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). The gospel of Jesus Christ points us to redemption and reconciliation through discipleship.
Whether you’ve allowed social media and regret it or bribed your kids to stay off, you can still disciple.
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- Confess and repent to God. Pray, asking for the wisdom and courage to change course and to trust the results to the Lord.
- Repent to your children. Confess where you went wrong (I allowed too much, too soon or I bribed you to obey) and ask for their forgiveness.
- Set a clear path forward grounded in Scripture. Read God’s Word together to explain why you have committed to being obedient to the Lord. Consider the following, but there are many others:
- “Everything is a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus, our Lord.” Philippians 3:7-11
- “Our minds should be set on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praise-worthy rather than social media.” Philippians 4:8
- “We will set limits because life has more purpose than scrolling.” Ephesians 2:10
- “We must be sober-minded and alert, not consumed and distracted.” 1 Peter 5:8
- “We will train in self-control because it is part of Christ-like maturity.” Titus 2:11-12
- Model the same limits you expect your children to follow. If you have social media, delete the apps and take a hiatus.
- Lead with authority and faithfulness. Depending on the child’s age, their own agency may lead to rejecting you or rebellion. Hold fast to God’s truth.
The Better Reward
More than money or cars, maintaining a boundary of no social media offers your child true freedom. It’s the freedom from competition and comparison, freedom from obsession and addiction, and the freedom to live life offline, in face-to-face, deep, meaningful relationships.
Money cannot buy what discipleship provides, which is godly character and wisdom. “Wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her” (Proverbs 8:11).
Your kids may or may not understand the value of this reward now, but they will soon.
